No quiero una cinta roja en tu cacerola: Latinoamérica.

No solo un día al año, no solo el primero de diciembre necesitamos que pongas en tus perfiles cintas rojas y recuerdes todos los grandes personajes que nos ha arrebatado este virus, que nos ha arrebatado el silencio, que nos ha arrebatado la complicidad del Estado y de la industria farmacéutica.

No solo necesitamos una cinta roja en tu cacerola. Necesitamos que se hable del VIH con nombre propio, con nosotrxs, que se deje de hablar –lo poco que se habla POR nosotrxs y SIN nosotrxs-.

Nosotrxs somos quienes nos levantamos todos los días a sortear los azares de la migración, de la discriminación, del aislamiento, de la violencia marcada por el silencio por parte de nuestras familias, de nuestros lugares de trabajo y del aparato médico.

El VIH es una realidad que sigue ocupando y expandiéndose en las filas de tus militantes, Latinoamérica.

Es una realidad que sigue NO ocupando tus agendas, tus marchas, tus pliegos de peticiones, tus congresos.

Es una realidad de la que se ha servido el sistema patriarcal para segregar y exterminar de manera cómplice a quienes vivimos nuestra sexualidad de forma libre y transgredimos, quizás el mayor mandato de la dictadura machista, sobre nuestros cuerpos: el de la autonegación, el de vivir el placer con condena y el de hacer de nuestros cuerpos un lugar infértil para el goce.

No solo una cinta roja en tu cacerola Latinoamérica, necesitamos plazas llenas de gente exigiendo la cura, merecemos una generación que está en camino sin este miedo a que se acaben los medicamentos y tengamos que migrar a otros países buscando las pastillas.

Y no estoy hablando de África, estoy hablando de lxs miles de venezolanxs que han partido de su país para buscar amparo en el tratamiento, en tus filas de militancia Latinoamérica que no nos dan un espacio para hablar y que no nos meten en tu agenda.

No somos solamente un fragmento de la población, una cifra en el Ministerio de Salud, un número fluctuante que alarma las noticias nocturnas de tus noticieros.

Somos un virus, somos un retrovirus que se multiplica en tus filas, que pelea en cada país con cacerola en mano, que pone el cuerpo a los policías…

Y que ahora necesita una voz, necesita que tú también le des voz Latinoamérica.

No solo una vez al año.

No solo una cinta roja en la cacerola.

________________________________________________________________

Originally published on December 1st, 2019, on Ego City: https://egocitymgz.com/no-una-cinta-roja-en-cacerola-latinoamerica-vih

Using one ‘project’ to see another

This article is a field [luv] note to Luciérnagas and friends in Bogotá. I was there for a project by Daniel Santiago Salguero and his HIV+ peers. Fireflies, this is the word in Spanish for fireflies. 
 
Speaking of fireflies, I met some luminary folk while in Bogotá Like Jackie … as far as I know she is the only woman in Luciérnagas, well, except your costuming friend (Daniel). I would love to publish a text or reflections on process by her for the 2020 Love Positive Women holiday (Feb 1-14).  We will be putting up 14 days of woman-authored content on those days early next year. Can you ask (or work with) Jackie to make a text? Let’s do in Spanish, but also we can translate on our side. If you will agree to interview her for the site, then you can also be a bit instructive w/ your questions. Just make it about the lab process. In that way you both support Love Positive Women. 
 
When I got back from Bogotá, a group of us (somos) began meeting for drinks on Tuesday nights. The first meeting in late October or early November yielded an idea for a collective group which would first make a Sarau Transante on November 30, Saturday evening before World AIDS Day, the following Sunday, Dec. 1, 2019. I have been very excited about the game ever since it came up on my trip to Egypt in March 2019. 
 
I had thought it would be in Taiwan for a show in this period. The process took longer than expected. As long-time friends, Adham and I had a lot to discuss before getting on with the next ‘work’ project. He also has a project of the BIG variety–a museum of sorts–that I want to be involved in, a project also taking its own pace over a multi-year timeline. 
 
When I came back from Bogotá, I was planning to pretend to be LUV and invite other very active artist friends who are positive to meet for drinks and then perhaps LUV would help to amplify the outcome. LUV is a small project led by an independent artist, but it does already have some trappings (on its road toward / becoming a philanthropic device). I have been rather tired since the end of Lanchonete.org, and also having made AIDS Day / period programming in 2015 (beg. of Cidade Queer); 2016 (ending of Cidade QueerEXPLODE! and ATAQUE); 2017 (Neighborhood Museum with Amber Art & Design); 2018 (@Esponja w/ Coletivo Coletores + Colectivo Amem); and now 2019 with Somos and also a partnership with the Municipal Secretary of Human Rights for the AIDS Walk and the performance /public space where the walk ended. It changed a 1000 times, yet I’d say it all went very well. It was also possible to see what other artists were doing for AIDS Day. 
 
Daniel, I remember when I was in Bogotá in October. You already had interest from a municipal authority to do another performance or intervention on /around World AIDS Day, December 1. We haven’t been able to talk directly since then, so I don’t know if this panned out in the end. Can you share with us what happened next?
 
You probably saw the interview LUV did with Juan De La Mar last week? This is a field note to you, but also it has questions for you to answer in a follow-up piece. So, see it as advice (at times) and feel free to answer the questions indicated in orange
 
My strongest advice is to help the group become what it will be next. It takes a lot of energy to do what you did. I bet you are tired. Exhausted even. So, save your energy. Help to hold the idea together but hand it off. Now that I’ve interviewed Juan and given the aforementioned idea for Love Positive Women (and Jackie) … as well as my next idea for El Santo, I can also offer to help you take this next step. What I’m saying is that it’s obvious that some of the Laboratory group will make their own works as artists, and other Positive artists and allies will come around and want to be involved. There are members of your group who could grow to need the affiliation of the laboratory. It may even seem like a support group at times. These are not certainties, but they are the ‘good likelihoods’ if you can help make the space for it.
 
When I came back from Bogotá, I did not plan to create or co-create yet another thing. I was willing to catch some new ideas with the LUV apparatus. As we got up to the Sarau with Somos (and when I specifically didn’t want to assume or seem to assume leadership/sole ownership) it became obvious that my closest allies felt it was my ‘show’ … there were a range of signals (including direct conversation) that revealed this to me. Given that my intention was the opposite, I have asked my colleagues to share with me how they see it. I’ve asked them to help me with my general research on how people get together and do things, in a social sense. Artists and others. Activists among them. 
 
There was tension in this process. I have also experienced tension (and outright conflict) in previous AIDS Day / Periods. In some ways, I think it is bound to happen. In other ways, I want to consider how for it not to happen. It is not enjoyable. 
 
I have a lot of faults, but one thing I try to do is to apply some community organizing and publicity logic to social causes. These are useful tools for urgent situations. But I fear that the so-called ‘art world’ that we (at least, partially) act in, is not so good at identifying urgency. And by not doing so it cannot offer appropriate care. It is not a complete ‘world’ in this sense. It does not take such good care of its workers. I talk about art world concerns in Relatory Bogotá and other pieces
 
Daniel you may get an opportunity from this art world that is useful to the Luciérnagas Laboratory group. You may not decide to use it yourself, but it may still have value to your peers. You may find other ways to nurture or help with the work of Juan, Jackie et al. There will also be new people who come around inspired by your first pass on Oct 25 at the Botanical Gardens. Making space for them will be up to you as a leader of the project, because first you have to admit (or say) if the project goes on and under what conditions. 
 
So for example, let’s say that El Santo didn’t make a pin for World AIDS Day as discussed. But I saw his ‘resist’ plates on Instagram. Maybe that is the item we attempt to merchandise with the future LUV platform and shows. It can work. If El Santo agrees to something like this, we’ll need to move fast. If it’s the plates (El Santo) I would need high resolution photos very quickly. I luv the plates by the way. 
 
Just as I attempted to do when in the midst of your context, city and project, Daniel, I will meet you where you are. Let’s say you did nothing for World AIDS Day. Cool. Let’s go?
 
I must admit the idea that came up from you guys (Daniel + El Santo) was powerful: the idea that we need new representation beyond (or next) to the red flag. This could be more specific to Bogotá, or World AIDS Day, but it would seem to come from those of us newly making or having voice on HIV and stigma. So, newness is perhaps just good. So when I got back and got my hands in all these pots, one of the most ‘new’ and nice experiences was coming up with the cloth heart that mimics the heart tile in the LUV game
 
What if you took on the challenge of doing this re-branding of the red flag just because I ask you to?  What if we use the HIV2020 meeting, AIDS Day 2020, AIDS conference in San Francisco, Love Positive Women, and the ending of Luv ’til it Hurts, including the intended Schwules Museum prototype show in 2021 … all to popularize this new symbol. And what if it made money for other folks working on and thinking deeply about HIV and stigma? 
 
It could, guys:)

New Toolkit by CLAC and MPact for Access to Global Fund to Fight AIDS, Tuberculosis, and Malaria

In order to facilitate access to funding from the Global Fund to Fight AIDS, Tuberculosis, and Malaria, the Community Leadership and Action Collaborative (CLAC) created a toolkit for key population-led grassroots organizations, which can be downloaded for free online.

Read more at: https://mpactglobal.org/new-global-fund-toolkit-by-clac-and-mpact-on-increasing-accessing-to-resources/

Download the toolkit here (English)

LUV game feedback from São Paulo + Somos Mais + AIDS Walk

About a month before the São Paulo AIDS Walk (now in its 3rd year), which was also on World AIDS Day, December 1, 2019, a group of positive folk and peers began meeting on Tuesday nights for a drink. 

The idea of a Sarau came quickly after the name of the motley group, Somos… or Somos Mais. We are visual artists, community organizers, organization makers, filmmaker, bartender, health worker, fashion designer, poets, performers and couple who make a Centro club and art space called Um55. Our first Sarau Transante was on Saturday, November 30th at Um55, the day before World AIDS Day

One idea came up that we liaise with the Municipal Secretary of Human Rights. As a member of Somos Mais, I would offer up the LUV game as a dialogue piece and lean into the performance atmosphere. We already had some of the first cloth hearts that George was making, so it was easy to engage folks to write ideas, thoughts and questions on the paper tiles but first telling them what we intended to do the following day with cloth tiles. And we gave away the first of them to people who intended including members of  Coletivo Gleba do Pêssego who screened their film ‘Bonde’ during the Sarau. 

The following day we personally distributed (offered) over 60 more hearts to walkers on the AIDS walk and at the public park where it ended. Giving the heart is an expression of love and I’m still digesting all the encounters I had when offering them and tying them around people’s necks. The game was more of a ‘display’ with big tiles at the public park where the walk ended. People wrote notes (or ‘recado do amor’ without being prompted and laid them on the large tiles in formation on the pavement. We had all walked hard, and there were beautiful performances of theatre and poetry and talks with the artists going on. No explanation was needed. 

Later that night I went to Largo do Arouche to the regular Sunday night gathering of Arouchianos and handed out a few more hearts left in pocket from earlier in the day. I wanted to especially thank Arouchianos for their work in the Center. It makes a lot of sense to me. I think we may do something special next year during the Love Positive Women holidays (Feb 1-14, 2020). The LUV heart is now added to their bundle of flags and banners that crown the small tent where a generator and mic stand sit during the lively nights when they hold court at Largo do Arouche. 

LUV game feedback from Grenoble + Ankh Association

The first public presentation of Exposition Points de Vie, organized by Ankh Association and dedicated to people living with HIV in Egypt, took place on October 26th in Grenoble, France. The exhibition gave light to their experiences, joys, and difficulties. It involved the interactive game by Luv ‘Til it Hurts, a Falafel party, and Karaoke. The benefits went to حملة اعرف اكثر – Campagne ‘Pour en savoir plus’ – ‘Know more’ campaign .

Nic/Taha:
Hope the event in Colombia went well! I just wanted to send you a short feedback of our event in Grenoble yesterday. It went really well, a lot of people attended and they were all really interested by the project and the discussion was really interesting as well.

Todd/LUV:
Was the LUV game useful helping opening a dialogue and/or holding the space you envisioned for the event?

Nic/Taha:
Regarding the game, we had some difficulties with the printing process, as we couldn’t find in the short period of time a printing house that had the kind of material that we wanted, so we printed the tiles on the thickest paper we could find, then had them plastified. It worked well anyway to play, except for the fact that some shapes were really too small so we only used the medium and big ones.

Todd/LUV:
Can you say more on how you used the came and what came up?

Nic/Taha:
Also, even if the game is supposed to be used to start or open a discussion, we used it at the end of the event, but it was also a good way to close it in a more playful and participatory way. We had a lot of really encouraging messages, among them: 

Silence=dead

Transnational solidarity

treatment for all

u=u

life goes on

hope

… and some really nice drawings 🙂

puppy luv + cloth hearts

So George and I had this idea for an intervention in the São Paulo AIDS Walk, which happens on or around World AIDS Day, December 1 (yesterday). A group of us (somos) made a poetry, film and performance sarau, Somos (Mais) Sarau Transante was on Saturday evening, November 30 to get us in the mood for the intense day of AIDS Day … the acts, walks, talks, performances and such. It’s a lot for one day. It’s a lot to pay attention to all at once. That’s why I like so much the project by artist, Jessica Whitbread called Love Positive Women … it creates another set of days (Feb 1-14) during which positive women are commemorated, interacted with … thought of. This relates to the cloth hearts. 

I was in Senegal a few times in the past years, and bought fabric for George. The first run, he made a series of scarves. The second run he made 100 cloth hearts with one fabric on front and the other on back. They have hard angles and lines like the ‘heart tile’ of the LUV Game. And the once used for ‘about’ on my homepage. The LUV Game would be played at the Sarau Transante and also the public park where the AIDS Walk ended. Parade (or bloco) walks like the one on AIDS Day are perfect situations for making a gesture. Sometimes corporates (pharmaceuticals) give away swag on these occasions and there are always drink sellers at such gatherings in São Paulo. The Senegalese cloth was laying around, and the contrasting patterns idea was already ‘had’. We didn’t really know if people from the Sarau would also attend the walk and the art performances at the walk’s end on the other side of Paulista from Baixo Augusta (beside Parque Augusta) where we began our journey. 

We decided to make 100 hearts that look like the heart tile piece (same lines), a piece designed by Adham Bakry in Port Said (Egypt)…and seems to be tattooed on one of my right hand fingers. There were a lot of people who touched these cloth hearts. You can read more about the process on the Produções Pão com Ovo page. We gave away 60+ on the walk yesterday, and then some more that night at Arouchianos meeting at Largo do Arouche. We saved some back for friends during the holidays and inspiration. 

The idea hit me so hard, it gave me a case of puppy luv. I mean I really really luv Marina Dias … she is the church. FULL STOP! It just so happened that she was spinning at DANDO party on Friday night before AIDS weekend. I told her beforehand on Insta that I’d bring her a heart. We were so late leaving the house: George was tired, and Wesley (pup) had to get his mask from a friend’s house and thusly arrived late too. We had good energy though and walked to Teatro Mars for the party. All dressed ‘down’. I opted for a kimono look, sultry, off the shoulder. George was wearing Vale’s new shorts creation, two layers of colored veil, and a shirt (I think). Wesley went as a dog. A very sexy puppy. 

We were late. So once we cleared ticket check and basic flirting with the yellow-shirted DANDO staff, I ran upstairs to dance my way to the tables. She was there …I could see her, and pushed my way through the crowd, slipping off my ‘wife beater’ under the kimono. I had brought 10 of the hearts, or was it 11 in the end? George and Wesley were each wearing 3 or 4 around their necks. They soon met me at the front of the room. I had already handed the heart to Marina. She received it with a smile and put it over half her face as a mask in order to wink. Never missing a beat. I wanted to make sure not to interrupt her. I had already placed one on the neck of a beautiful ‘image’ at the base of the DJ stand, with a piece of black veil wrapping their whole head. I think they were there, and that I practiced giving a heart to them, laying it gently like a lei… 

People started asking for them. Or looking for them. Where were they coming from. I decided organically who might best take care of the hearts, and have no regrets so far. There may have been one stamped into the condensation tracked floor of the dark room, but it was hard to tell in the dim light. And, there were many hearts already scattered about. Wesley missed the Sarau, I think our pup was all tuckered out. 

Our venue for the Sarau fell through at the last minute and we want to say a big thanks for Ze + Sid who hosted us ‘on the fly’ at their new venue, Um55. Muito muitíssimo obrigado!!

Wrap love in latex – Interview with Juan De La Mar

TL: Hi Juan,

If memory serves this is a line in your film, De Gris a POSITHIVO … ‘wrap love in latex?’. I think it is when you are walking in the streets of Bogotá (all wrapped in plastic wrap).

Juan, first, I really appreciate your film, and furthermore it was great to have it privately screened at the event at El Parche on October 30th in Bogotá. I also really enjoyed being a part of the Laboratorio Luciérnagas performance and intervention at the Botanical Gardens on October 25th. The whole trip was amazing for me, and reminded me why I’m making the Luv ’til it Hurts project. 

I understand (I think) the line in your film ‘wrap your love in latex’ as a question of sorts. I understand the sentiment to be something like this:

To have contracted HIV means one likely didn’t use a condom in that instance. By not wrapping one’s love in latex on that occasion, something changes. HIV is passed via semen or blood.  And after that, there is a new prerogative to ‘contain’ the disease. Like, you may have to ‘wrap your love’ in order to not pass it further. I find that (even) friends and family can convey guilt to us because we did not generally or on that specific occasion wrap our love (or our dicks) in latex. In some instances it presupposes that we were taking careless risks. Friends and family sometimes take that personally, I’ve learned. So, I see your statement as a question: Can we always know to wrap our love before we use it or share it?

So, for starters, what did you mean with that line?

JDLM: En primer lugar, para mí es un placer y un verdadero honor comenzar de esta manera nuestra colaboración con Luv ´til it Hurts, una alianza que traspasa fronteras y supera las barreras –inclusive del idioma- que he descubierto, con mi diagnóstico de VIH que no existen. 

¿Cómo forrar en látex el amor? Fue una pregunta que me hice tres días después de recibir el diagnóstico, porque sentía que tenía que protegerme de todo lo que me rodeaba, que estaba en una ciudad llena de bacterias, que hasta el agua que tomaba me podía enfermar (como me lo hicieron entender los médicos); pero también era una protección hacia afuera porque sentía que podía ser peligroso y contaminante para las demás personas y las debía cuidar de mí. Esta sensación fue muy triste porque se interponía en mi intención de compartir el amor y me hacía sentir que ya no podía hacerlo, sentir que tenía que guardarme todo lo que sentía para mí y que no podría compartirlo con nadie más, ni con mi familia, ni con mis amigxs, ni con las personas que me relacionaba sexo-afectivamente.  

Después, con la información que he adquirido y el proceso de dotar de otro sentido y cambiar mi relación con el diagnóstico y con la VIHda misma, sentí necesario compartir esta pregunta con el mundo, porque me parece que vivimos con tanto miedo que siempre nos estamos forrando, protegiendo, conteniendo, estancando, que nuestras relaciones tienen que estar con una bolsa plástica de por medio, y quiero ahora, que no necesariamente sea así. 

TL: And, how was it to be filmed in the streets of Bogotá all wrapped in cellophane? 

JDLM: El cortometraje lo realizamos para la Escuela Nacional de Cine en Bogotá, Colombia. Como yo soy director y personaje principal necesitaba un grupo de trabajo que estuviera muy conectado con la historia y la situación. Yo comencé a comunicarles mis miedos, mis sensaciones y lo que quería transmitir y justo en esos días hicieron un simulacro de evacuación en Bogotá, entonces acudiendo a mi frase de forrar en látex el amor les propuse que me envolvieran en papel de alimentos para caminar por el sector de la ciudad donde estaba el simulacro. 

Fue en verdad extraña la sensación de encierro, porque no podía mover las manos, no veía bien y además había cantidades de personas caminando, observándome, tomándome fotos, sin embargo esa sensación, era la más cercana a lo que sentí el día de mi diagnóstico y me acompañó por lo menos 6 meses después. 

TL: What were the reactions by passers-by? And did you get to talk about HIV and the theme of the film with any curious onlookers?

JDLM: Las personas preguntaban si me había quemado, si estaba enfermo, si me había pasado algo, pero con el equipo decidimos no contestar ninguna de estas preguntas, solo estábamos interviniendo el espacio público. En general, era una reacción de extrañeza, en un momento de por sí muy atípico como es un simulacro cuando las personas no creen que están en ningún riesgo, pero tienen que salir de sus trabajos y alterar su cotidianidad. Después, recuerdo que subimos a Transmilenio (el Sistema de Transporte Público de Bogotá) y nadie se sentaba a mi lado, pero tampoco preguntaban nada. 

TL: I thought that was the brilliant part about the Laboratorio Luciérnagas performance / intervention on the ‘free night’ at Bogotá’s Botanical Gardens. You had hundreds of passers-by … could you compare a bit the experience of making your film in the public space and being a part of Laboratorio Luciérnagas? 

JDLM: Yo llegué al Laboratorio Luciérnabas dos años después de mi diagnóstico, pero hubiera deseado estar en este espacio desde que comencé mi proceso, de alguna manera era algo que estaba necesitando. La posibilidad de intercambiar conocimientos y hablar con personas que están habitando la situación y la VIHda como lo estoy haciendo yo y que además están cuestionándose sobre otros imaginarios y formas de relacionarse, ha sido muy enriquecedora para mí. Sin embargo, la Noche de las Luciérnagas fue un espacio mucho más acogedor y amigable que el momento en el que caminé forrado en látex, porque ya no me encontraba solo, ahora estaba en un proceso colectivo de intercambio y resonancia de sentires y sanación grupal. Aunque siento que las personas tenían una curiosidad similar y una expectativa que ocurriera algo más allá de lo que estaba pasando. 

TL: I know we can’t share the film yet due to film festival competition, so please give us a short description here:

JDLM: De Gris a POSITHIVO, es un documental autobiográfico en el que comparto mi experiencia y la de mi familia cuando me diagnosticaron VIH positivo. Mi miedo a la muerte, la cotidianidad y los momentos complicados del inicio del diagnóstico son contados a través del diario que comencé a escribir 3 días después de esta noticia. Hago parte al expectador de mi viaje de regreso a la VIHda a través de un ritual performance en el que me forro todo el cuerpo en látex para renacer y llenarme de color.

TL: Where do you hope the film will be seen? 

JDLM: Mi mayor deseo es que el documental se pueda ver en los lugares que pueda generar transformación en la mentalidad y el estigma de las personas que viven con VIH, sus familiares y quienes aún no han tenido ningún contacto con el diagnóstico. Con Salmón Producciones (productora documental de Lissette Orozco) estamos buscando un distribuidor con el que podamos hacer una estrategia mixta, para mostrarlo en Festivales de Cine, de Temática LGBT y de Derechos Humanos y en espacios comunitarios, educativos y artísticos en todo el mundo. 

TL: Hey, you brought a colleague from Clínica del Alma Invita to the El Parche event the other night. So glad you did. Wanna tell us more about that place and what it means to you?

JDLM: Siento que el VIH como otras situaciones en la vida te colocan de frente a la pregunta de la muerte y nuestra existencia trascendente, por esto mi proceso artístico y de creación ha estado relacionado con una búsqueda espiritual fuera de iglesias y de cultos religiosos, en este camino encontré Casa Ocho un espacio de terapia alternativa en Bogotá, en donde pude trabajar el miedo a la muerte, mi relación con los límites físicos y la nueva VIHda a la que me estaba enfrentando. Después de este proceso, decidimos crear en este mismo lugar Clínica del Alma, como un espacio de diálogo, contención y compartir en el que vamos a hacer sesiones de escucha entre pares para personas con diagnósticos crónicos (VIH, cáncer), familiares y cuidadores y personal de la salud. Esta iniciativa obedece sobretodo a una necesidad de crear y compartir más espacios en los que sea posible hablar y transformar los imaginarios desde un lugar de experiencia entre personas que nos ha ocurrido la misma situación y hemos encontrado herramientas que nos han ayudado a transformarlas y ahora las queremos compartir.

Image stills of film De Gris a POSITHIVO, provided by director Juan De La Mar.

Synopsis: http://www.salmonproducciones.com/asesorias-y-alianzas/de-gris-a-posithivo.html

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/DeGrisAPOSITHIVO/

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/degrisaposithivo/

Read also: Relatory Bogotá

_______________________________________________________________

TL: Hi Juan,

If memory serves this is a line in your film, De Gris a POSITHIVO … ‘wrap love in latex?’. I think it is when you are walking in the streets of Bogotá (all wrapped in plastic wrap).

Juan, first, I really appreciate your film, and furthermore it was great to have it privately screened at the event at El Parche on October 30th in Bogotá. I also really enjoyed being a part of the Laboratorio Luciérnagas performance and intervention at the Botanical Gardens on October 25th. The whole trip was amazing for me, and reminded me why I’m making the Luv ’til it Hurts project. 

I understand (I think) the line in your film ‘wrap your love in latex’ as a question of sorts. I understand the sentiment to be something like this:

To have contracted HIV means one likely didn’t use a condom in that instance. By not wrapping one’s love in latex on that occasion, something changes. HIV is passed via semen or blood.  And after that, there is a new prerogative to ‘contain’ the disease. Like, you may have to ‘wrap your love’ in order to not pass it further. I find that (even) friends and family can convey guilt to us because we did not generally or on that specific occasion wrap our love (or our dicks) in latex. In some instances it presupposes that we were taking careless risks. Friends and family sometimes take that personally, I’ve learned. So, I see your statement as a question: Can we always know to wrap our love before we use it or share it?

So, for starters, what did you mean with that line?

JDLM: Firstly, for me it is a pleasure and a true honor to begin our collaboration with Luv ’til it Hurts in this way, an alliance that trespasses borders and overcomes barriers — including language’s — that I have come to find out do not exist, through my diagnosis of HIV.

How to wrap love in latex? This was a question that I asked myself three days after receiving the diagnosis, because I felt like I had to protect myself of everything that surrounded me, that I was in a city full of bacteria, that even the water that I drank could make me sick (as doctors made it seem); but it was also a protection towards the outside, because I felt that I could be dangerous and contagious to other people and that I had to be careful with myself. This feeling was very sad because it interposed my intention of sharing love and made me feel like I could not do it, like I had to keep everything that I felt to myself and that I could not share it with anyone else, be it family, or friends, or people with whom I would relate sex-affectively. 

Afterwards, with the information that I had acquired and the process of endowing different senses and changing my relationship with the diagnosis and with HIV itself, I felt it necessary to share this question with the world, because it seems like we live in quite a bit of fear, as we are always wrapping, protecting, containing, sealing. Our relationships have to be with a plastic bag of medicine, and now, I want it to not necessarily be like that.

TL: And, how was it to be filmed in the streets of Bogotá all wrapped in cellophane? 

JDLM: The short film was realized for the Escuela Nacional de Cine en Bogotá, Colombia. Since I am a director and main character, I needed a work group that was very connected with this history and situation. I started to communicate to them my fears, feelings, and what I wanted to transmit. On these same days there was an evacuation drill in Bogotá, so, attending to my phrase of wrapping love in latex, I proposed to them that they wrap me in food wrapping, to walk like that through the part of the city in which the drill was going on. It was actually strange the sensation of being enclosed, because I could not move my hands, I could not see well and also there was a large quantity of people walking, observing me, taking pictures of me. Nevertheless, this sensation was the closest to what I felt on the day of my diagnosis, which followed me for at least 6 months afterwards.

TL: What were the reactions by passers-by? And did you get to talk about HIV and the theme of the film with any curious onlookers?

JDLM: People asked me if I had burnt myself, if I was sick, if something had happened to me, but with the team we decided to not answer any of these questions, we were just intervening in public space. In general, it was a reaction of finding it strange, in a moment that was in itself atypical, such as a drill in which people don’t believe that they are actually under any risk, but have to leave their work and change their routine. Afterwards, I remember that we took a Transmilenio (the Public Transport System of Bogotá) and no one would sit next me, but also no one asked me anything.

TL: I thought that was the brilliant part about the Laboratorio Luciérnagas performance / intervention on the ‘free night’ at Bogotá’s Botanical Gardens. You had hundreds of passers-by … could you compare a bit the experience of making your film in the public space and being a part of Laboratorio Luciérnagas? 

JDLM: I arrived to Laboratório Luciérnabas two years after my diagnosis, but I would have liked to have been in that space from the beginning of my process, in a way, it was something that I needed. The possibility of exchanging knowledge and talking to people who are inhabiting the situation and life (VIHda), as I am, and that are also asking themselves about other imaginaries and ways of relating, has been very enriching to me. Nevertheless, the Noche de las Luciérnagas was a space that was much more welcoming and friendly than the moment when I was walking around in latex, because I didn’t find myself alone anymore, I was now in a collective process of exchange, of resonance of feelings, and of group healing. Although I felt that people had a similar curiosity and expectation that something would happen beyond what was happening.

TL: I know we can’t share the film yet due to film festival competition, so please give us a short description here:

JDLM: De Gris a POSITHIVO is an autobiographical documentary in which I share my experience and that of my family, when I was diagnosed with being HIV positive. My fear of death, the day to day, and the complicated moments of the beginning of the diagnosis are told through a diary that I began to write 3 days before the news. I am part of the spectators of my journey back to life (VIHda) through a performance ritual in which I wrap my entire body in latex to be reborn and to fill myself with color.

TL: Where do you hope the film will be seen? 

JDLM: My biggest wish is for the documentary to be seen in places that can generate transformation in the mentality and stigma of the people who live with HIV, their family members, and those who still have not had any contact with the diagnosis. With Salmón Producciones (Lissette Orozco’s documentary production company) we are looking for a distributer with whom we can have a mixed strategy, to show it at movie festivals, of LGBT and Human Right themes, as well as in community, educative, and artistic spaces all over the world.

TL: Hey, you brought a colleague from Clínica del Alma Invita to the El Parche event the other night. So glad you did. Wanna tell us more about that place and what it means to you?

JDLM: I feel that HIV, like other situations in life, makes you face the question of death and our transcendental existence. That is why my process of art and creation has been related to a spiritual search outside of churches and religious cults, and in this path I have found Casa Ocho, an alternative therapy space in Bogotá, where I could work out my fear of death, my relationship with physical limitations and with a new life (VIHda). After this process, we decided to create in the same place the Clínica del Alma, as a space for dialogue, support, and sharing, in which we will do listening sessions in pairs, for people with chronic diagnoses (HIV, cancer), family members and carers, and health practitioners. This initiative obeys above all a necessity to create and share more spaces in which it is possible to speak and transform imaginaries. It departs from a place of experience between people to whom similar situations have happened, as we have found tools that have helped us transform them, and we now want to share.

Image stills of film De Gris a POSITHIVO, provided by director Juan De La Mar.

Synopsis: http://www.salmonproducciones.com/asesorias-y-alianzas/de-gris-a-posithivo.html

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/DeGrisAPOSITHIVO/

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/degrisaposithivo/

Read also: Relatory Bogotá

Relatory Bogotá

Bodies containing Fireflies that wander through the nocturnal jungle, emitting calls and small sparks of light for courting and to find copulation. They remind us that in the jungle there are no limits or borders. Migrating, as many do out of necessity, or as a virus does from one body into another, is a fluid process. The spectator is invited to use the space to take a break, breathe, and rethink of him/herself as an individual body, and as a gear in a collective body in constant movement. In AIDS and Its Metaphors (1987), Susan Sontag proposes a relationship with illnesses that is not of pity. Instead, she suggests approaching the illness by recognizing it as being a fundamental part of living organisms. Sontag’s intake emphasizes the necessity of confronting the illness with compassion, which implies understanding what happens to the other as if it was happening to yourself. In Survival of the Fireflies (1992), Georges Didi-Huberman proposes these light bugs as being metaphors of resilience, especially during convoluted political moments. These are some reflections that have opened up in the Luciérnagas lab of research and creation. 

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I landed early on Thursday, October 24, 2019 in Bogotá. It’s an overnight flight from São Paulo. The culminating performance of the Laboratório Luciérnagas would be the following night. 

I was hosted at home by Daniel Santiago Salguero, the maker of Laboratório Luciérnagas with ten of his colleagues. He stays with artists, Carlos and Alejandra. On Wednesday the following week, Carlos would prepare MIERCOLES, a lunch offering at FLORA ars + natura, the residency where both Daniel and Carlos are in residency this year. Marta Ramos was there at the same time as me offering portfolio reviews to the residents. It was nice to see several São Paulo faces during the week.

A performance by members of Laboratório Luciérnagas happened on Friday evening during a free/public night at Bogotá’s Botanical Garden. The goal of Luciérnagas was to convene a group of people for a period of six months, to think, talk, and act around themes associated with HIV / AIDS in relation to current urgent migration crises. There are approximately 10 members of the laboratory, and as far as I can tell this was only the beginning. 

I’ve had the opportunity to assist several artists in my practice. Sometimes it looks like arts administration or production and others it is explicitly dramaturgy ‘glue’ that I offer. One thing that I feel is important when visiting another artist’s project–especially one that is representative of a complex issue, demographic, identity or community–is to have permission to participate or add value, and to make sure and not distract from the intention of the work. Some pieces are easier to offer this to than others. Daniel Santiago Salguero and I spoke about ways to ‘help’ and be involved before I arrived, and I made sure I understood his intention with Laboratório Luciérnagas. I asked if I could distribute a pamphlet on the LUV game during the performance or before as guests were arriving … catching passersby too. LUV is supported by a designer in Egypt, and in the days before my trip, Daniel and I decided to incorporate some pages in the pamphlet on Laboratório Luciérnagas rather than having a separate flier or programme. We spent the first day after my arrival and some hanging out going to the printer and laying out the final guide with the design items sent by Adham. I picked them up the next day while Daniel, Jacir and Jackie made final costume adjustments at the house Daniel shares with Carlos and Alejandra. Jackie made lunch for us all before we headed to the Botanical Gardens to meet the others. 

Whenever I do something like this, I always carry a bigger question with me. I look to see how and if the arts and human rights communities locally can be of service to one another. I was told about an organization that works on HIV and related activism called Temblores. A friend introduced me to a staffer who had just been to Hong Kong for an AIDS conference. We did manage to flirt a bit on WhatsApp, but my invitation to come and share info on his work at the closing LUV meeting went unanswered.  While I do not want to read into this handsome WhatApp profile’s thinking, I can offer that this sort of ouverture (a mini gesture within a larger artistic gesture) is usually unrecognized by the human rights camp. I think in a way they (we) do not think we need something like a gesture. And, how could anything useful come out of the blue like that? In such a short time period without proper planning? It seemed like a very busy ‘art week’ in Bogotá, but also that something quite special happened on Wednesday night, October 30th at el parche. The event was called Arte/VIH/Activismo: Luv ’til it Hurts & Luciérnagas Laboratorio.

Thankfully, there was a unique overlap with the venue, el parche that offered to host the closing LUV chat, which was also like an 11th meeting for the Laboratório Luciérnagas and was nicely festive in celebration of their beautiful intervention executed in a rather nuanced way atop the open/public night programming at the Botanical Gardens. Juan, who manages el parche is also a part of LoveLazers, a group that sees its ‘assignment’ as “spreading information on forms of safer sex and drug use/consumption – and giving statements concerning stigmas and emancipation.” Earlier in the week, we met Ricardo from LigaSIDA–where Daniel first made contact with people living with HIV who became members of Laboratório Luciérnagas–and he offered to help us share the online invite. Juan shared more on the work of LoveLazers as we played the LUV game, and another Juan (who offered us a private screening of his film, ‘De Gris a POSITHIVO’) brought a colleague who runs the Clínica del Alma Invita who explained its services. We ate empanadas and drank wine. LUV notes were passed. 

Kuir Bogotá had a Halloween party the next night. Wallace, Tina and Marcela were all there from São Paulo revving folks up for a mini-carnival. São Paulo follows one around, I’ve learned:)

And, Gustavo taught me some Reggaeton moves at the party … and also something about character later that night.

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Read also: Wrap love in latex – Interview with Juan De La Mar

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